I was talking to my boy the other day, as I am wont to do, and he posed what I thought was an interesting question. My response also somewhat surprised me, and so I feel it would make a good post.
He asked, I know you were always planning on doing a lot of traveling every weekend, but you seem to just be sticking in Santiago. Are you doing that cause it´s more comfortable?
I think the answer is yes and no. Of course visiting somewhere else is a nervewracking, especially for me when I can barely communicate. But honestly, I almost think it would be easier for me to go off by myself and be a hermitted tourist than to constantly go out and try to forge relationships with these people I´ve met. I consider myself a friendly person, but meeting new people is always hard, and you´re just never quite yourself. You try too hard, you come off as desperate. And when half the time they say things you don´t understand it´s even more nervewracking. If you are one of those people who always thinks others are talking about you, just don´t travel somewhere you don´t speak the language, it´s a whole new level of paranoia.
I feel one of the biggest reasons I came here was to see what it was like to forge a normal life in another country. Yes every city in the U.S. has it´s own culture, but it is all still American. I wanted to see how different it was to create an existence in a completely foreign place, even if it´s metropolitan like New York. And in order to do that, I have to really live in the city I´ve chosen. I could travel around and simply see the countryside, but I really wanted to live in it, so get a sense of the people. It is impossible not to get a skewed perception, for everyone creates their own bubble where they live. I had my bubble in New York, I for sure have my bubble here, but everyone does. That´s part of life. I just wanted to see if I could even get that bubble started somewhere else, without it popping and me failing miserably. So far I feel I´m really making a place for myself, and I wouldn´t call it a success, but it´s in the right direction. At the very least, I don´t feel I´ll ever be scared to move wherever the greatest chance awaits me, because I have confidence in my bubble-blowing skills. And of course the P&G network, :)
Monday, June 30
Warning: Explicit Material Ahead!-Part 2
So the second part of this post is about missing that special someone. Or rather, contact with that special someone.
One of the things the guys in the previous post assume is that I am super horny and must be craving sex being apart from my man. This leads me to the question, what is it that I miss most about my relationship, in the physical sense?
It is most certainly not any sexual act. Far more than any passionate few hours, I miss simple male affection. I miss spooning, I miss holding hands, I miss the little kiss goodbye. I miss walking down the street next to someone who, touching you or not, makes you feel enveloped by their presence. I just miss that sense of knowing a touch of the arm is a reassurance, that they are nearby, they love you, they can protect you. I miss not having him to run his hand through my hair while I´m asleep, I miss not having his warm cheek to nuzzle my cold nose in. All these little touches are so much more meaningful than some sweaty night. At my weakest moments, given the choice between spooning watching a movie or having a latin lover, I would still choose spooning, because that is what I lack while I´m here. Luckily none of the guys here are that sensitive, or I might be getting asked to a lot more movie nights.
I don´t know if this is different for me because I´m a female, or if this is universal, but I believe it is the little affections I miss most because they are things I truly can´t have here. If I really wanted I could have the passionate nights, but I can´t have the true reminders of love, mixed with the history of tenderness that makes up my relationship in the States. And that is what I miss. Love you babe.
One of the things the guys in the previous post assume is that I am super horny and must be craving sex being apart from my man. This leads me to the question, what is it that I miss most about my relationship, in the physical sense?
It is most certainly not any sexual act. Far more than any passionate few hours, I miss simple male affection. I miss spooning, I miss holding hands, I miss the little kiss goodbye. I miss walking down the street next to someone who, touching you or not, makes you feel enveloped by their presence. I just miss that sense of knowing a touch of the arm is a reassurance, that they are nearby, they love you, they can protect you. I miss not having him to run his hand through my hair while I´m asleep, I miss not having his warm cheek to nuzzle my cold nose in. All these little touches are so much more meaningful than some sweaty night. At my weakest moments, given the choice between spooning watching a movie or having a latin lover, I would still choose spooning, because that is what I lack while I´m here. Luckily none of the guys here are that sensitive, or I might be getting asked to a lot more movie nights.
I don´t know if this is different for me because I´m a female, or if this is universal, but I believe it is the little affections I miss most because they are things I truly can´t have here. If I really wanted I could have the passionate nights, but I can´t have the true reminders of love, mixed with the history of tenderness that makes up my relationship in the States. And that is what I miss. Love you babe.
Warning: Explicit Material Ahead!-Part 1
Ok, so that´s not really true, but this blog is slightly dealing with that forbidden fruit which we all crave-sex. Or rather, what it´s like being away from your significant other when living abroad.
I have been shocked at people´s attitudes towards my having a boyfriend here in Chile. Those people who I call my friends for the most part have all offered to sleep with me, some subtly, some not so subtly. At first I was flattered, but now I find it merely annoying. Because I am from the U.S., people tend to assume that I will be slutty, and I think the blond hair in a spanish country doesn´t exactly help. People assume that my boyfriend and I aren´t serious, and that I would be more than willing to cheat. Once I explain our situation, people may realize we´re relatively serious, but they still assume I would be more than willing to cheat. They just don´t understand that I don´t consider that an option. I consider it a waste of time for nothing but small gratification at the expense of someone else´s heart.
I went to a party on friday night, a housewarming party for J. He finally moved into a real apartment after living at the Mariott for months. That´s P&G for you, no time for apartment searching! Anyway, I had a great time, but as usual I got little attention from the girls and a lot from the guys. Most of the people there were married, but that didn´t stop the ambush. Later in the night, when most people were a bit intoxicated, I was outside and suddenly surrounded by five men, and one of them asked, ´what is this about your boyfriend, why are you having fun´. I HATE when people ask me if I´m still having fun. As if because I can´t make out with every latin guy I meet this means I´m not having fun. Did it ever occur to them I wouldn´t do that if I was single? That maybe I´m a good girl? No, of course not. When I tried to explain that I would never cheat on my boyfriend, they say, we´re not talking about cheating, we´re just talking about experiencing latin flavor. No you are not! You´re talking about cheating, and I am not going to be somehow fooled into doing it. Good lord, I´m a human being, not a monkey. I do have some ounce of logic in my light haired head. The one guy who actually supports the fact that I am not like others, kept quiet. And his defence was, I´m a friend, I still want him to have fun. Great, glad to know relationships are so respected.
I think the most annoying part was when they said, when you´re so far away, it´s ok, you don´t know what your boyfriend is doing. And of course, I actually do know my boyfriend, they´re the ones who´ve never met him, which is what I said. And they all gave each other knowing looks. To which I replied, fine, let´s say he is cheating on me. That doesn´t mean it´s ok for me to cheat on him. It doesn´t work like that. This was met by shocked silence.
At the time I was pretty upset about this, but in retrospect, I have to wonder if it´s just the way it is down here. Do people really consider relationships so open? Are women really considered so indespensable? The next day I recieved a long apology text from the guy they were all trying to get me to hook up with, saying he always respected my relationship and it´s just hard for his friends to understand. I don´t blame him for his friends, and he has been nothing short of a gentleman, but to his friends I say: bullshit. Regardless of my relationship status a no is a no. I wouldn´t hook up with him is I was single, much less now when I´m taken. So stop pushing.
I have been shocked at people´s attitudes towards my having a boyfriend here in Chile. Those people who I call my friends for the most part have all offered to sleep with me, some subtly, some not so subtly. At first I was flattered, but now I find it merely annoying. Because I am from the U.S., people tend to assume that I will be slutty, and I think the blond hair in a spanish country doesn´t exactly help. People assume that my boyfriend and I aren´t serious, and that I would be more than willing to cheat. Once I explain our situation, people may realize we´re relatively serious, but they still assume I would be more than willing to cheat. They just don´t understand that I don´t consider that an option. I consider it a waste of time for nothing but small gratification at the expense of someone else´s heart.
I went to a party on friday night, a housewarming party for J. He finally moved into a real apartment after living at the Mariott for months. That´s P&G for you, no time for apartment searching! Anyway, I had a great time, but as usual I got little attention from the girls and a lot from the guys. Most of the people there were married, but that didn´t stop the ambush. Later in the night, when most people were a bit intoxicated, I was outside and suddenly surrounded by five men, and one of them asked, ´what is this about your boyfriend, why are you having fun´. I HATE when people ask me if I´m still having fun. As if because I can´t make out with every latin guy I meet this means I´m not having fun. Did it ever occur to them I wouldn´t do that if I was single? That maybe I´m a good girl? No, of course not. When I tried to explain that I would never cheat on my boyfriend, they say, we´re not talking about cheating, we´re just talking about experiencing latin flavor. No you are not! You´re talking about cheating, and I am not going to be somehow fooled into doing it. Good lord, I´m a human being, not a monkey. I do have some ounce of logic in my light haired head. The one guy who actually supports the fact that I am not like others, kept quiet. And his defence was, I´m a friend, I still want him to have fun. Great, glad to know relationships are so respected.
I think the most annoying part was when they said, when you´re so far away, it´s ok, you don´t know what your boyfriend is doing. And of course, I actually do know my boyfriend, they´re the ones who´ve never met him, which is what I said. And they all gave each other knowing looks. To which I replied, fine, let´s say he is cheating on me. That doesn´t mean it´s ok for me to cheat on him. It doesn´t work like that. This was met by shocked silence.
At the time I was pretty upset about this, but in retrospect, I have to wonder if it´s just the way it is down here. Do people really consider relationships so open? Are women really considered so indespensable? The next day I recieved a long apology text from the guy they were all trying to get me to hook up with, saying he always respected my relationship and it´s just hard for his friends to understand. I don´t blame him for his friends, and he has been nothing short of a gentleman, but to his friends I say: bullshit. Regardless of my relationship status a no is a no. I wouldn´t hook up with him is I was single, much less now when I´m taken. So stop pushing.
Wednesday, June 25
Discos
Ok, so now that I have been to the disco a few times, I feel it deserves it´s own post. Not to mention I have a hilarious story that needs telling.
First off, I love dancing. I think it´s really really fun, and I don´t much care whether I´m good or not, or if I´m dancing alone or with someone, I just really love it. So of course, you´d think when I lived in New York I would go dancing all the time. Not so. This is because in New York men feel the need to hump you when you´re dancing. It´s awful, and it completely ruins the experience. Usually you just have to squeeze your way off the dance floor, cause it´s too much to handle. Chile is completely different. there is no humping, at least not to that degree, and of course latin men can do more than just move side to side, so they dance with you rather than on you. It´s so much fun, and actually dancing meregue or salsa is fun too, I just feel sorry for my partners, lol.
So last Thursday after the Chile vs. Venezuela game, which we won of course. A few of us decided to go to a club. Of course, I needed a ride home, so who was I to disagree? So we go, at around 12. Remember, I have the day off on Friday´s, all these people have real lives. Both of the guys I drove with are married, so they are super protective of me like a little sister. So we get to the club, we dance, good times. However, whenever a guy comes up trying to talk to me I get pulled away. Note no one even tries speaking to me in spanish. They go, you are american? And I go, sí. And they go, you are a perfect American specimen! and then my ´brothers´drag them away from me. The one time I did dance with someone, he got a 5 minute long speech about how I was a cousin and if he touched me the wrong way he would be dead. I have to say, I found this hilarious and quite heartwarming. Also note everytime I go people are like, where did you learn to dance, american´s usually cannot dance this way. I´m still determining if it´s a compliment.
So we decide to leave. Earlier married J (husband of M) tells me he´s going to take a cab home. He was pretty toasted at this point. He gives me my coat check ticket and bounces, or so I thought. So a half hour later L and I leave, only to recieve a call from J saying he is still there. So we do a U-turn, which I thought was too fast, and made me remark, you´re gong to kill me. L responds, do you want to drive? which in my experience only leads to bad things. He swerves right like he´s going to stop and let me drive, but instead jumps the curb and gets a flat tire. Needless to say, I, who does not have work tomorrow and is not the owner of the car, found this hilarious. So we pull into a gas station, call J, and he says he´ll walk . Some 20-30 min later, while we have still not gotten the car even jacked up, J waltzes into the gas station, with a glass of a drink in hand, which he stole from the bar. He is schockered. Again, hilarious. Long story short, it takes almost two hours total to change the tire. by now it is around 4 in the morning.
You would think my story is over, but no. We now had to get home. We decided to take J home first, because now he was worried M would be really upset and not let him inside. Of course, none of us thought to call her while we were changing the tire. So he calls her to let her know he´s coming. She is very upset and asks to speak to me. I tell her about the tire, but she didn´t believe me. And to be honest, it does sound like a complete lie, so I don´t blame her. She hung up, pretty furious and didn´t answer the phone for the rest of the night. At this point I´m all worried that she hates me, because I was in fact telling the truth! But, Chilean custom says you don´t trust anyone, and since she doesn´t know me that well, of course she wouldn´t trust me. I was not so accquainted with Chilean social customs as I am now, but they really do take a long time to truly let someone into the inner circle, and for the most part are just very untrusting. I don´t really see anything wrong with it, but it is definitely different, and a lot of gringa´s find it enormously frustrating.
So anyway, we´re driving, and all of a sudden, L realizes he´s lost. Great. We end up in Santiago centro, and we get J home a 4:30. Luckily M let him in, but I wasn´t in bed until 5. Needless to say it was a long night, with some not so good choices, but a great story.
First off, I love dancing. I think it´s really really fun, and I don´t much care whether I´m good or not, or if I´m dancing alone or with someone, I just really love it. So of course, you´d think when I lived in New York I would go dancing all the time. Not so. This is because in New York men feel the need to hump you when you´re dancing. It´s awful, and it completely ruins the experience. Usually you just have to squeeze your way off the dance floor, cause it´s too much to handle. Chile is completely different. there is no humping, at least not to that degree, and of course latin men can do more than just move side to side, so they dance with you rather than on you. It´s so much fun, and actually dancing meregue or salsa is fun too, I just feel sorry for my partners, lol.
So last Thursday after the Chile vs. Venezuela game, which we won of course. A few of us decided to go to a club. Of course, I needed a ride home, so who was I to disagree? So we go, at around 12. Remember, I have the day off on Friday´s, all these people have real lives. Both of the guys I drove with are married, so they are super protective of me like a little sister. So we get to the club, we dance, good times. However, whenever a guy comes up trying to talk to me I get pulled away. Note no one even tries speaking to me in spanish. They go, you are american? And I go, sí. And they go, you are a perfect American specimen! and then my ´brothers´drag them away from me. The one time I did dance with someone, he got a 5 minute long speech about how I was a cousin and if he touched me the wrong way he would be dead. I have to say, I found this hilarious and quite heartwarming. Also note everytime I go people are like, where did you learn to dance, american´s usually cannot dance this way. I´m still determining if it´s a compliment.
So we decide to leave. Earlier married J (husband of M) tells me he´s going to take a cab home. He was pretty toasted at this point. He gives me my coat check ticket and bounces, or so I thought. So a half hour later L and I leave, only to recieve a call from J saying he is still there. So we do a U-turn, which I thought was too fast, and made me remark, you´re gong to kill me. L responds, do you want to drive? which in my experience only leads to bad things. He swerves right like he´s going to stop and let me drive, but instead jumps the curb and gets a flat tire. Needless to say, I, who does not have work tomorrow and is not the owner of the car, found this hilarious. So we pull into a gas station, call J, and he says he´ll walk . Some 20-30 min later, while we have still not gotten the car even jacked up, J waltzes into the gas station, with a glass of a drink in hand, which he stole from the bar. He is schockered. Again, hilarious. Long story short, it takes almost two hours total to change the tire. by now it is around 4 in the morning.
You would think my story is over, but no. We now had to get home. We decided to take J home first, because now he was worried M would be really upset and not let him inside. Of course, none of us thought to call her while we were changing the tire. So he calls her to let her know he´s coming. She is very upset and asks to speak to me. I tell her about the tire, but she didn´t believe me. And to be honest, it does sound like a complete lie, so I don´t blame her. She hung up, pretty furious and didn´t answer the phone for the rest of the night. At this point I´m all worried that she hates me, because I was in fact telling the truth! But, Chilean custom says you don´t trust anyone, and since she doesn´t know me that well, of course she wouldn´t trust me. I was not so accquainted with Chilean social customs as I am now, but they really do take a long time to truly let someone into the inner circle, and for the most part are just very untrusting. I don´t really see anything wrong with it, but it is definitely different, and a lot of gringa´s find it enormously frustrating.
So anyway, we´re driving, and all of a sudden, L realizes he´s lost. Great. We end up in Santiago centro, and we get J home a 4:30. Luckily M let him in, but I wasn´t in bed until 5. Needless to say it was a long night, with some not so good choices, but a great story.
Fútbol
Yes, I learned how to put accents on the top of letters. Score one for Jessica! And speaking of scoring, I guess it´s pretty much impossible to come to a Latin country and not watch soccer. I have watched more soccer in the last few weeks than I probably ever will for the rest of my life. Of course I played when I was younger, like every other person in the U.S., but I wasn´t aggressive enough. I mean really, if they want the ball that badly they can just have it.
Having said that, watching soccer here is at least as much fun as watching football in the U.S.. People love it, and go crazy, and of course there are drinking games involved. It´s good times for sure. One of my new friends, J (no, not that J, everyone here has a name that begins with J) is from españa, and he says I just can´t understand what it means. Of course we watched the spain vs. italy match, that was really quite amazing, and I learned every curse word there is in spanish. It was so much fun. And afterwards we all went to celebrate. I had to wear a jersey from spain, which I still have. The semifinals are this week, today and tomorrow, and I can´t WAIT for the finals! If you´ve never watched soccer before, get a big group of friends, go to a mexican restaurant with a TV, and embrace the experience. It´s one you won´t forget.
Having said that, watching soccer here is at least as much fun as watching football in the U.S.. People love it, and go crazy, and of course there are drinking games involved. It´s good times for sure. One of my new friends, J (no, not that J, everyone here has a name that begins with J) is from españa, and he says I just can´t understand what it means. Of course we watched the spain vs. italy match, that was really quite amazing, and I learned every curse word there is in spanish. It was so much fun. And afterwards we all went to celebrate. I had to wear a jersey from spain, which I still have. The semifinals are this week, today and tomorrow, and I can´t WAIT for the finals! If you´ve never watched soccer before, get a big group of friends, go to a mexican restaurant with a TV, and embrace the experience. It´s one you won´t forget.
Gringa Party
So, Saturday night I went to a gringa party! Emily invited me to a party that Kyle, another blogger in Chile was hosting. Kyle´s mom was in town and had brought tons of candy, so it was a huge pig out time! It was really fun, and it was interesting to hear everyone´s stories of how they ended up here. Most people started with a study abroad, although a few had just come here like me. Most of them returned because of loved ones (aka hot chilenos) but there were a few again, like me, here without a loved one. Everyone was in a different stage of their travels, and I think I was the newest. Everyone else definitely knows more spanish than I do, lol. But it was luckily all in english. It was really nice tho, to meet other people who have gone through the same things I have and made it through. It gives me hope that I´ll be able to make it here too, and that I´ll know more spanish too! Thanks girls, for a great evening, and Kyle for being so welcoming!
Tuesday, June 24
Can I have that to go?
Ok, this is something that drives me crazy. You can´t get anything to go here. Not to mention they don´t know what preprepared meals are. Seriously, no TV dinners, barely a choice of some premade lunches in groceries, and no to go coffee and bagel! THEY DON´T EVEN HAVE BAGELS. Seriously, I asked everyone in my lab, they´ve never heard of anything like it. I feel the need to bring New York bagels to Santiago. I would be a gagillionaire. But really, I am used to ordering in every single thing I eat, so to have to cook or go to a restaurant and sit there is just weird for me! I´m sure it´s much healthier, and that I´m eating less fat, but really, I just want a frappucino. To go.
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