Who doesn't want to be me?

Well, I've been thinking about this the last few days, and honestly, what else is a blog for, except rambling on about inconsequential ideas in the hopes of seeming intelligent, or at least figuring out what's going on in your own head. Now that I've managed to sound pretentious for the day (I find it ironic that pretentious really sounds quite pretentious itself) I'm going to talk about something I find odd about the human psyche. Lately I've been thinking about graduation, obviously, and really been into planning my time in Chile, and just figuring out how I'm going to spend my time before med school. Nearly all of my closest friends really don't have any idea what they're doing after graduation. Surprisingly, many of them are taking a year off, but they have no idea what they're doing with that time. They speak of getting jobs, but no one has anything set or has really even started looking. This drives me INSANE. I can't handle the fact that not only do people not have their next year planned out, but they seem relatively calm about having no idea where their life is going!

Now, I'm not really one of those people who heavily plans the next ten years-I plan on becoming a surgeon, but if I come back from my year off and want to do something different, that's all right with me-but I HAVE to have tomorrow planned, and at any transition, I want to know exactly where I'm going. Thus, the reason I've had my year off planned for about a year and a half now. Now, in all honesty, my friends don't need to be as crazy as I am. They can do whatever they want, and I'm sure they will do amazing things, unplanned and all, because they're some pretty cool people. What really interests me is that it bothers me so much. I spent an hour-a full hour!-yesterday looking at every senior I know, wether here, or from high school, or even middle school, trying to figure out what they were doing, if people had plans, where people were ending up. I found ONE person who seemed to have any idea. Now, the next plausible question is why would this bother me? And after many minutes of lying on my couch (it's actually my bed, I don't have a couch) I think I've found the answer.

When I was in middle school, well, let's just say I didn't have a great social life, and it wasn't the best years of my life. I had a best friend who would make drawings and pretend the most outlandish things with me. We would often be designers in Paris, where we had multiple boyfriends, fabulous homes, and were completely independent. The most important part was that we had escaped from the small midwestern town we were living in. Those dreams were one of the few things that really got me through my middle school years. And I feel to a certain extent I've accomplished it. Yes, the midwest sucked me in during med school, but I can then move wherever I want, which will probably be one of the C states. No, I didn't choose based on the letter, it's a coincidence. This friend of mine however, began dating a guy much older than herself, got engaged at graduation, married at 19 and is currently pregnant. I moved away right when this all took place, so while I'm sure she is happy and is living out a more mature dream, I was quite upset when all this happened. We were supposed to escape together! If she happens to read this, I want her to know I am sooo happy for her, and I know she has a great guy and is about to start a beautiful family. However, she also changed dreams, something I never did. I suppose I felt a little left behind, or like maybe my dream was no longer valuable. Perhaps this is why I want my friends to have their lives set, so they don't change their dreams after I'm no longer around to share the experience. Or maybe I'm just a control freak. Either way, I think it's important I learn just as my dreams have changed, so will others, and just because I'm not part of the process doesn't mean they love me any less.

2 weeks/1 year and counting

Well, I got accepted into Medical School in Ohio. I know, I know. I swore I'd never go back. HOWEVER, that was before I understood words like-med school loans, cost of living, and international health programs. So, it would seem after spending my year in exotic locations, I shall return to Ohio for 3 more years. I say three because my fourth year will most likely be spent in a location where I want to have my residency. Probably California, but I've been thinking lately about the Southeastern coast of the U.S. I have a long time to decide. Not to mention, there is a large possibility I may decide to do something else once I get back from my year off. You never know what direction your life will take after its changed forever. Anyway, in two weeks I will be heading home for a short hiatus before leaving for Chile. I just found out my mom and grandma are going to come visit me for July 4th weekend!! Which of course means I can actually take a wine tasting tour, since otherwise it's just too expensive. I also may take them to Valparaiso, but I'll have gone there already, so I'll know if that's a good idea. I've been looking forward to a break before heading off to a new country and a new life, but honestly I don't think I'll get one. I still have finals and graduation to make it through, and then I have so much to take care of once I get home. I just hope I have time to appreciate this huge transition in my life at some point!

3 weeks/5 weeks and counting!

Well, I have exactly 3 weeks until I go through the Commencement ceremony and I leave college life forever. It's pretty scary, I have to admit, but it's also exciting. I've bought my ticket to Chile, and I've chosen an apartment. I in Bellavista, actually right off of Bellavista. Bellavista is sort of like the Greenwich village, or Chelsea/Soho of Santiago, so I think I'll enjoy it a lot. Not to mention it's convenient to both work and nightlife, which means no money spent on cabs! I've started to realize some things I need to buy before I leave. I'm interested in doing quite a bit of hiking and volcano climbing, so I need to buy some items, like a good sleeping bag, a small tent, a hiking backpack, boots...the list is long, and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I suppose I'll need them for years to come, but each of those items is 200 new, maybe I can get good deals on ebay? We'll see. My first final is 1 week, and in 2 1/2 weeks, I'll be done with schoolwork forever. Well, I guess med school is still school, but I find something which applies to your future career so much more enjoyable. Once May comes around, and I only have a few finals to study for I'm going to start reading up on chilean literature, history, as much as I can get my hands on. Meanwhile, I think my spanish is getting much better. I can understand pretty much everything, although I'm worried about native speakers speed. My speaking is still eh, tense changing and vocab knowledge makes it harder. Anyway, studying to do!

It's really happening!

Well, it seems I am really heading off to Chile soon. I bought my plane ticket, found an apartment, and have a job. That's about as real as I can get. I have 5 weeks until graduation, and 3 weeks until my first final. I feel like the next three weeks will be a big cramming of school, while trying to spend time with my boyfriend and friends that-let's be honest-I may never see again. I'm also still waiting to hear about med school, so we'll see how it goes. I've been spending all free hours looking at Chile travel books and blogs, and figuring out what I want to do, how to do it, how much it'll cost me, and planning my weekend travels. Until finals are over I don't think I'll post much, but then I hope to post maybe every other day or so? We'll see, I've never been good at journaling, but maybe knowing other people are reading, especially while I'm in Chile will help me want to blog more religiously. Ok, well, I have lots of spanish work to do, and it's more important now than ever!