Watching the Election from Abroad

So, this is a huge day for our country!!! We elected a new president, an African-American from Arab and muslim background, though he's Christian, and I personally think it's a great choice. I am so frustrated to not be there, I want to be celebrating and high fiving strangers. But unfortunately I'm stuck here, where people watch, but not as much. I watched live coverage all night on Indian news sources, which were hilarious to say the least. They had very conflicting, and very wrong info, and my favorite was their composite photos of a white obama and a black mccain. I am so excited to see where our new president takes us, and even if you didn't vote for him, or hate him, you have to admit his acceptance speech was phenomenal, and moving as hell. I had to watch it at an internet cafe, but I still teared up and got goosebumps. I believe people will be proud to be American again, and that's a good day. It sucks to be abroad, but I can be because I live in such a great country, and I'm glad we're just taking it further!

A Family Affair

So, I went to a family affair! I've been left out always, only the boys have been invited, but I got invited! We went to the baby shower of Mrs. Bandhu. And I wore my saree. It was beautiful. It's interesting, the baby shower was just for family, consisted of lunch, a small religious ceremony and tea time. I saw wedding pictures, and people kind of talked to me, but for the most part they just talked about me in Hindi. And it was condescending. Very. You can tell. Although one girl called me sundar, which means beautiful. I dunno, it was nice, the families are very close knit, very attentive to children, but not very warm or open. They did let me feed the couple as part of the religious ceremony. It was great to see, but not looking to jump into that situation again. They really were quite nice, but they obviously thought I was not too smart, and although some of them really were very nice, I think they were just interested cause I was different. If I spoke Hindi, it would be different, but they automatically decided not to like me because I didn't. They even talked about it in Hindi. Luckily half of conversations are in English, so I knew what they were saying. Sigh, I can't wait for people to like america again.

Phones: Part Deux

Ok, so I hate getting anything done here, lol. The girls had to get new sim cards, so we took them to the market, and it took, of course, an hour. It was kind of ridiculous. They had to call Bandhu, they said they had to make sure we were real people. They said they didn't believe the German's passport was real because it didn't have her address. Neither does a U.S. one. They tried to misquote the price. It was insane. I know this is just another bad story, but it's so frustrating!!! And now they are gone to Gurgaon for culture week, and I'm all alone. Literally. But not for long! Tomorrow I go to to Pushkar, then immediately to Goa, then immediately to NEW YORK.

The New Girls

So, yet another crazy story. Two girls came to the house, from an orphanage they've been staying at for the past month. One from France, one from Germany. Bandhu told us they had boys in the room. Turns out they went to the internet for 1 1/2 hours. They came back and no one would answer the door, so France climbed over and asked for the keys. The owner of the orphanage leans over his balcony, and starts screaming, yelling about where they were. Granted they asked to go. He freaks out, keeps yelling, starts calling them ungrateful, takes their sim card and breaks it, almost hits them, calls them terrible people.

Kicks them out for their last 2 days, sends them back to Bandhu and lies about why. It was ridiculous. Bandhu believed him, still does, and is a wimp, won't talk to the guy, wouldn't even pick them up because he was scared of the guy. I hate how unconfrontational people are here. If they are going to get money, they keep their mouths shut, and they always believe each other. I HATE that. And if they had been boys, it would be different.

Advantage, I love these girls, we get along super well, and we're going to Pushkar together! Everything happens for a reason, even awful Indian experiences.

Survival Question

Walking around here makes you wonder. People must do anything to survive here, and perhaps it is why people seem so selfish to us. They are obsessed with money, it seems to be all anyone talks about, and this makes sense when it's a constant worry. People do so much, with so little return, and I begrudge those who try to cheat me. I don't know it's so hard, to know what you feel for, what you do. You can't give beggars money because they learn it works and they won't go to work. You harden yourself against the slum in your backyard. If you do give them food they mob you and get violent. And how much of my humanity do I guard and turn off so as not to be scarred by it all? By every child dirty and missing a limb becase their parent cut it off to get more begging money (yes this is common) I don't kow. But it's a very hard question to be faced with. I'll let you know what I decide.

Puppies!!!...Womp, womp

So, the happiest thing ever happened!! We found puppies in sector 15 market. They're very little, very cute, and very playful. Luckily they haven't learned to fear humans yet, so I could pet them. They are soooooo cute!!! Gosh I love puppies. There are three, and they are white, golden, and dark brown. I love them to death and visit them every day.

However, the other day, I came to visit and the white one had been runover by a car. The blood wasn't even coagulated. It was awful and sad. And a metaphor for India. Even if you find something to make you happy, a small satisfaction, the truth is you're helpless to change the reality of life here. And it's depressing.

Today I cam to the market and another puppy was dead. Probably from disease, no sign of trauma. Haven't seen the other for a week, so who knows if he's alive.

However, I saw three new puppies near the house, super super tiny, the size of my hand, and they love me! Tried to suckle my fingers, and all they wanted was pets and to lean against me. I love them, and even though I know their outlook is grim, I can't help but be hopeful for them. More metaphor? Pretty much.

Another one bites the dust

So, we got a new volunteer, an older woman named Laurie. She spent the last 2 weeks in India touring, and now she's here for 2 weeks to volunteer in schools. Or at least she was. She left after two days. She felt useless, she couldn't handle the conditions, and like everyone balked at the lack of structure and ability to help. Bandhu didn't seem to take it too well, but what are you gonna do, all of us experience this, and are told it can't change because then they'd lose the orphanages, and then where would they send people, because they can't say no to people, cause then they wouldn't get as much money. Depressing? Yes. Surprising? No. And again, another leaves early. So far, not a great track record.

Try harder?

One of the hardest parts of being here is feeling like if you just tried harder, maybe you'd be able to change it, maybe it's your attitude. Maybe its all your fault. And the truth is, the system is broken, and we are not in a financial or managerial position to change it. It will be a long time before we will be, and so you have to except that if it makes you unhappy, it's ok. If you don't make a single difference and for the most part spend hours simply standing to the side, that's ok. And if you decide you can't handle it, because you can't work for such a defunct system, that's ok too. This goes out to all the volunteers who know they're not making a difference, but know that it's ok because some day, you will, and because you though you could. You can, just not right now. And it's ok that you're unhappy. It'll all be ok. You're already trying your damdest, and that's all anyone can ask for.

A New Low

Ok, so just when you think maybe it's getting a little better something worse happens. I went to Delhi with the Canadians to do some gift shopping, and they needed to stay at a hotel for a day before their flight to Nepal. So, at the end of the day, they took me to the bus station to see me home. We walk around, and ask if a bus goes to Faridabad. The guy says yes, we even have another guy ask if that's the right bus for us, he says yes again.

Long story short, the asshole lied. The bus took 1 1/2 hours to go to the border of Delhi and Faridabad. It was ridiculous. You know why he lied? Because he wanted to sit next to me and continually brush me with his arm. My stomach, my legs. I moved over as far as I could, and couldn't move my arms the whole time to shield me as much as possible. It wasn't overt enough to slap him or anything, but it was enough to be real and uncomfortable. I have 20 new mosquito bites because if I moved my arm the guy moved his elbow to brush my stomach. Super gross.

Luckily there was a guy who sort of spoke english who was going to Faridabad and got me home, but he also hit on me, kept asking if I would help him in America, if I would call him later to go to dinner etc. Luckily I've gotten somewhat used to this behavior and I never even broke a sweat, though after the fact I kind of freaked out. I'm just tired of it. And ready to go home.

Diwali: The Festival!!!

So, what is Diwali like in India? CRAZY. Soooo many fireworks. Everywhere. Mostly the middle of the street. My night started playing with my host family's little kids, making chalk peacocks. Then we all had puja as a family. Puja is a prayer where you ask for a blessing from God. We sat in a circle, around a little group of pictures of gods, and then Mrs. Bandhu said/sag a prayer, spraying water on us and feeding us deliciousness, then 'feeding' gods. We each got a red string tied on our wrist, left for girls, right for guys.

We set off some fireworks, mostly cherry bombs, which of course are illegal in the States. Mostly because they are damn scary. They blow up, but with no warning, no lights, nothing exciting, just REALLY loud. This is pretty bad, because people set these off in the streets. Lots of them. Hundreds, and while people are driving and walking, and they never warn people! Seriously, I was scared for so many cars and motorcycles, cause lord knows someone would be seriously hurt. Or at least a car.

We had a special dinner, delicious, and then we went to a friends' house to watch fireworks. People buy really nice fireworks as well as cheap ones, and everyone, EVERYONE sets them off all night long, and through the next day, in the street, from their roofs, everywhere, and there's soooooo many! Seriously, it's nuts. The next day the ammount of trash was unbelievable. Definately an experience I reccommend!!

The Decision to Return

So, I mentioned before I decided to go home early. It was a difficult decision to make, mostly because I feel like I failed, like I didn't try hard enough, and like I'm weak. However, I'm quite miserable here. I've learned to tolerate it, but I've learned as much as I can. This is not to say I haven't learned much. I've learned a lot, things of invaluable help to not only my ambition, but my actual plans of what I want to do with my future. I have more ideas for my eventual NGO, and I understand how to deal with and work with another culture immensely better than I used to. I am quite upset, since I had such high expectations for this trip, but now I can go home earlier, work a little more, earn a little more money, and I don't think I would have learned any more by staying here longer. So, I am returning November 18, one week after I go to Goa for a beach vacation. I think I need it!

Haggling

Ok, so no surprise, I'm awful at haggling. Luckily I've had friends who are wonderful and I've gotten great prices. I've found you can usually get anything you want for half of what they originally say. However, you have to go on for a while, and you have to at least once walk away. If you are every haggling near a number of sellers of the same thing, and one of them gives you a better price and you switch, they will start screaming, possibly hit you, and trust me, it's scary as hell. I can't handle the high stress, and I hate the pushiness, and I'm so awful at continuing, I'd rather just not buy it, but I'm learning! And I got 5 scarfs for 700 rupees after almost be murdered by 5 women who all wanted my business. Yay haggling!

Diwali: Explanation

Diwali is quite possibly the most important holiday for the Hindu religion. It's also known as the Festival of Lights, and that night people light deyas, which are small clay pot filled with coconut oil and a very thick wick, which signifies victory of good over evil. It celebrates the homecoming of Lord Ram, a beloved God, from exile. While he was exiled to the forest by his father he killed the evil demon king, Ravan. Rama was banished because, even though his father loved him, he made a promise to his stepmother some time ago that she could have one wish. Her eventual wish was to banish Ram, fearing that her own child would be slighted. I am aware that this story is much more complex, but this is the gist, and as much as I'd like to type right now, lol.

Presidential Debates

I am proud to say I am doing my civic duty from abroad. I not only registered absentee, and am having my mother send in my vote (I trust U.S. mail a lot more than India's) but I have read the transcripts from the Presidential debates. I couldn't find a way to watch them, so I read them instead, which I decided is fantastic because you can read things over and don't get confused by words you don't know, and plan on reading them every year from now on. This is not me endorsing anyone, I don't feel that's my place in this blog, but I do want to urge people to be informed before they make huge decisions like who is going to run this country for the next four years. And go out and vote! It's worth it. It's all the power you have.

Tattoo

So....I'm getting a tattoo! I'm super excited. It's going to be across the back of my neck, and it's going to be in sanskrit, which is beautiful. When I was little my Mom used to always say a blessing over me before going to sleep, and it started with May the Lord bless you and keep you. So, I want to get that on my neck. My Mom is surprisingly supportive. Unfortunately, I can't get it here, because I can't get to where I know there's a great tattoo artist who a friend here got one from. So, I'll have to do it at home, but luckily my dad is really excited, and wants to make it a family affair and get one too! So yay for tattoos!!



त्वामीश्वरः रक्षतु च

Christian Orphanage

We went to another orphanage. And it was beautiful! It was for boys, and they had large rooms, a roof to play on, gardens where they plant their own herbs and vegetables, and they have their own goats, chickens and cows for work and food. However, we spent most of the time talking to the owner, who tried to convert everyone to Christianity. Unfortunately he made big use of the idea of money, saying non believers can't do good things without wanting money or recognition, and such things that always make other people angry. He also misquoted scripture, but I've learned I'm not really allowed to defy older Indian men, so I kept my mouth shut. At least the orphanage was beautiful.

Clothes Explanation

I decided to give a better explanation as to the parts and types of Indian's women clothing.

The first type is of course, a saree. You might see it spelled sari, but here everyone spells it saree, so. It's just one long piece of fabric, which you wrap around yourself, and then pleat it in front, and wrap it around again, back on over one shoulder. It's quite beautiful looking, but let me tell you, it takes FOREVER to put on, even if you have someone help you! To get it looking perfect is quite hard.

Underneath the saree you wear a shirt called a choli. This cuts off right below the breasts, and dips quite low in the back and front. It makes for a very alluring outfit.

The other common dress is a salwar-kameez, though now these are always called suits. A salwar is pants, baggier, and the kameez is the long shirt worn over, usually in matching patterns, often beaded. Sometimes the pants are much tighter, but it depends on the suit. Of course you always have a matching scarf. Hopefully soon I can put up pictures!

Sexism

One of the other frustrating aspects here in India is the sexism. It's not that it's overt, no one spits at me because I'm a woman, or such, but it is there, in every single action. The way they speak to you, as if you don't have an opinion, the way women rarely go out but to the market, the way they can't believe I'm going to be a doctor, the way I am ignored and always liked less than the men around me, the way they cater to mens needs before women, and how quite often they don't even ask me if I want anything at restaurants. Its infuriating because it's never something you can directly adress, because it's simply embedded in their thinking. Now I understand and appreciate the feminist movement, but I don't think feminists in America truly understad anymore, it hasn't been this bad for some time.

Problems Walking

And I don't mean physical. I mean with the harassment. It is quite frustrating. But every day when I spend 45 min or so walking to the hospital, I have an inumerable number of people saying things to me, sometimes hello, sometimes delicious, sometimes other things. Either way, quite often it's obviously of malicious nature. Sometimes I think they just want to talk to a white person, especially a female one with blond hair. A lot of times people stop and ask if I want a ride, or if I need help. Apparently this only happens to girls, never to guys. It's frustrating cause you're always on edge in order to make sure you're ready in case someone gives you huge hassle. Usually you only get huge hassle from children, surprisingly. They're the only ones who touch me or hit me, but nonetheless it's always uncomfortable. I think the thing that is the most bothersome is that people treat you as if you aren't a real person. Like you are literally there for their amusement, and have no feelings. Granted, girls like me (white, blond) are whores in their culture. Literally, in their movies I would be a whore always and only. But I am a person, I have the same blood, 46 chromosomes, same body parts, JUST a different skin color. It's so frustrating. It feels awful. And yes, I understand so much better how minorities in America felt not that long ago, and sometimes must still feel. But it's better in the U. S. now, look who we just elected. Hopefully as India becomes more involved in the Western world they learn white people are human beings, too.

Planning trips

Ok, so things are kind of sucky again. I had planned a whole trip to the north, to get my tattoo and go rafting, and then to the camel fair, etc etc, and due to the inability of anything to work quickly or be easy in India, there are no tickets, and I can't go travelling. I'm very disappointed, and will get over it, but I have decided to come home early, 1 month to be exact, which I will address in a later post. And I have to say, if you don't go travelling in between volunteering, you kind of go crazy. Ok, done being sad, At least I'm going to Goa!